12 weeks, or 3 months, is what it takes to heal a broken heart, form a new habit, get confirmed for a new job and.. for us to keep a big secret – I’M PREGNANT.
* grins and throws imaginary confetti in the air *
Honestly, this big piece of information is still very surreal to me and sometimes, I can’t believe that we’re on this exciting journey to becoming parents. Yes, parents! Am I prepared? Are we ready? Do we have enough finances? Is there a manual out there to becoming model parents? There are 1001 question marks in our heads and suddenly, the future becomes very unpredictable and frightening. So in order not to over-worry and stress ourselves unnecessary, we are just taking it one step at a time; living day by day. After all, I am supposed to be in a relaxed state of mind so as to ensure a smooth and enjoyable pregnancy.
So right now, I am 13 weeks and 2 days, which is early into my 2nd trimester. So far, I’m very thankful to not have morning sickness, extreme food cravings, or food aversions. However, there were 2 occasions which I puked – once was because I had too much to drink, and that was before I found out that I was pregnant. The second time was when I ate grapes and drank a glass of vitamin C effervescent drink immediately after. Bad mistake. The citrusy juices from the grapes and the effervescence did not sit well in my stomach at all.
My appetite hasn’t been as good as before too. Previously I could eat like a cow, with 4 to 5 meals a day and dessert after every meal. Now, 3 (slightly smaller) meals make me feel like I had 5 buffet dinners, all thanks to the pregnancy hormones that slow down digestion, making me feel full for a longer time. Which is why I feel the most uncomfortable by night fall, because I am so bloated from the pregnancy gas and full from whatever that I ate from morning to dinner. Seriously, by then it feels as though I’m carrying an overgrown watermelon in my stomach.
Oh, and not forgetting the gas. I seriously have no idea why pregnant woman have so much gas inside them. Unfortunately for me who cannot burp, everything just comes out as fart. But for times where my food has not gone through the digestion process and be farted out, it feels as though the food contents is overflowing from your stomach and rising up into your chest. Terribly uncomfortable. That said, my symptoms are considered very mild when compared with other preggers who puke so much that they have to be admitted to the hospital because of dehydration. I really should count my blessings and stop my whining.
Ok enough of me ranting. I’m sure you’re dying to find out the whole scoop – how and when I realised that I was pregnant, what I did, how I felt etc. Well, I’m more than happy to share with you the beginning of this very new journey. However, it’s going to be quite a lengthy post I must say!
The start of a beautiful journey
8th May 2015 – My period was supposed to come but nothing happened. Since it was the first time we ‘didn’t put on raincoat’ if you get what I mean, I took a pregnancy test which showed one line, which means not pregnant.
15th May 2015 – 1 week has past and still no period. Took another pregnancy test. BFN – an abbreviation in most pregnancy forums for the term Big Fat Negative. By now I was getting a tad edgy. What does this mean? I’m not pregnant but I don’t have my period, what should I do? I decided to wait another week before taking a pregnancy test or consulting a doctor.
20th May 2015 – I can’t wait any longer. I know it’s 2 more days before a week is up from 15th May but I was so unsettled that I decided to screw it and take a HPT – another abbreviation in the pregnancy forums for the term Home Pregnancy Test. I looked down on the stick and waited for the results. BFN. “Oh well, looks like I need to see a doctor in 2 days time then,” I thought to myself as I threw the HPT into the bin.
But a few hours later, a nagging thought came into my head: Maybe the test I bought wasn’t sensitive enough. Well, that makes sense and it doesn’t harm to walk out to the nearby supermarket to get another test right? Since the husband was still sleeping in, I sneaked out quietly to buy another brand of HPT, came back home, and tested again.
A faint red line.
“Wait a minute, is that what I think it is? My eyes are not playing tricks on me right?” I thought to myself as I stared at the HPT against the sunlight.
Yes, a faint line. It was so faint that I myself was skeptical that it was positive. Suddenly, I remembered the HPT that I threw away earlier. I rushed to the bin and picked up the first HPT (yes I know it sounds gross but I had to find out the discrepancy in both tests). My eyes widened with shock as the first HPT now had a faint red line too!
In that instance, I could feel my heartbeat thumping loudly in my head, a wide smile on my face, and I sorta did a little celebratory leap before murmuring “fuck”. Ok hang on, don’t judge me. I know when one is happy, they usually exclaim “Eureka! Whoopedoo! Yay!” but I didn’t, not because I wasn’t happy. Trust me, I was really happy and excited, yet perplexed at how we managed to hit the jackpot on our first try because my period cycle is quite long (between 40-50 days) and I’m clueless as to when I ovulated despite all those Menstrual Cycle apps. Furthermore, my job requires to adapt to different timezones in a short period of time and I was afraid that the longer I worked, the harder it was for me to conceive. So you can imagine how doubtful I was with my capability to conceive.
In addition to all those mixed feelings, I was also really scared. A few months before we took this step of family planning, my maternity instincts actually awakened and I was really hoping to be a mother one day. But when I found out I was pregnant, my shoulders felt heavy from the impending responsibilities to come, how the next 20 years of our lives are going to be changed, how we are going to be parents. Are we really ready to be parents? And if so, what kind of parents are we going to be? How are our kids going to grow to be like?
Anyway, I sat down on the sofa and my mind raced with a million thoughts. How am I going to tell the husband? What would his reaction be? If his reaction is negative, am I prepared to deal with that? How about my job as a flight attendant? What should I do?
I paced up and down the living room, deep in thought with an accelerated heart rate. Just then, my eyes glanced at the clock and realised that the husband had slept in long enough and we have to get going for our first itinerary of the day. With swift steps, I walked to the bedroom, opened the door and gingerly woke the husband up. After much stirring, he opened his eyes halfway and that’s when – in his own words – I shoved both HPTs at him. Looking at the foreign objects handed to him and not knowing what was going on, he naturally gave the WTF look with those contracted eyebrows.
Realising that I probably broke the information at the wrong time, I waited for the husband to freshen up before showing him both HPTs and breaking the life-changing news again. (Ok honestly I can’t remember exactly what I said, and how I said the phrase “I’m pregnant”. My memory has been quite questionable ever since I became pregnant. Pfft!) Anyway, he looked at me with widened eyes and a big grin and exclaimed “WHAT?!” I explained that though the lines are quite faint, I should be pregnant. He continued to squint at both HPT and likewise, murmured “fuck” with a grin. Yup, he murmured the same bad word because of reasons similar to mine, as stated above.
To cut the long story short, we booked an appointment at my MIL’s (short for Mother-in-Law) polyclinic on 27th May which was a week later, because our schedules were packed from 20th May till then. In the meantime, I continued to take several HPTs before my polyclinic appointment just to make sure that I was really pregnant.
As you can see, the lines became more and more stronger overtime. By the time I saw the doctor on 27th May, he confirmed my pregnancy with a big congratulatory handshake and finally, reality started setting in. I’M PREGNANT! I’M GOING TO BE A MOTHER!
Excited, we broke the news to both our families and told them to keep it hush hush as the pregnancy is quite unstable during the first trimester. Meanwhile, we went about with our usual routines and schedule since I didn’t have any pregnancy symptoms, other than the occasional bloating and sore breasts.
Now that the first trimester is finally over, we’re so happy to share this joyous news with everyone! And since we’ve shared this big news on social media yesterday, we have been receiving a lot of pregnancy and parenting advice in addition to the congratulatory messages. Honestly, it has been very overwhelming, a bit of an information overload, and stress especially when your friends who are young parents laugh and tell you “Welcome to sleepless nights. Sleep while you can. Your life will be changed forever. Be prepared for the zombified nights.” Well we’ve heard that before before we were expecting and could easily laugh it off back then. Now, hearing such comical advise unintentionally adds on some stress and dampens our excitement.
Still, we just try to listen to as much advise as possible and hopefully, be able to apply them appropriately in time to come. For now, we strive to enjoy this new phase of life as much as we can. Yes there is much to be done, a tonne of research to do, and a hell lot of decisions to make so if you share in the same faith as us, please do covet us in prayers. We sure do need much divine guidance and wisdom in the following months and years to come.
Alright, thank you for hanging in there and reading this lengthy post. I’ll share with you about my struggle for a gynaecologist at a private clinic or at a subsidised hospital, plus some pregnancy scares I had during my first trimester in the next post. Ciao~!